notes from the thunderground

Father/Husband/Artist/Musician/Geek Culture Aficionado

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This has to be one of my favorite albums ever. It was kind of hard for me to pick a song to link to off it. How Twin Falls didn’t end up on the album is beyond me. :)

(Source: Spotify)

Filed under music spotify

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Cross off the team and bring the girl to me.


Am I the only one who doesn’t think that John Garrett is really The Clairvoyant? Of all the people in the Marvel universe, the person they picked to be the main antagonist of season one is just a well connect SHIELD/Hydra sleeper-agent with a penchant for destruction? Why wouldn’t The Clairvoyant really be Zola? Or a wholly different character?

And how is Skye’s 0-8-4 status going to play into all of this!? :) 

(Source: fitsimmons, via whedonesque)

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One Week Down.

I haven’t taken my Zoloft in seven days.

30 months dependent on a substance I only barely begin to understand, and I’m working my way free from the anti-depressant’s grip. 

Every study I’ve read states that Sertraline’s effectiveness starts to wear off after two years. In the scheme of things, that’s not very long. I’ve only missed maybe two weeks of doses in total the last two and a half years. None of them “on purpose”. The longest of those missing stretches were accompanied by crippling headaches, intense sparking*, and intense mood swings. Maybe the depression was “all in my head”. Maybe the side effects were as well. All I know is that once I started taking those tiny little yellow (sometimes green) pills, my brain woke up for the first time in years. 

Now that I’m working my way off my chemically induced mood change, I have to admit: I’m scared. Scared that I’m going to end up back in that emotionally dark place. Scared that the only reason I was getting better was because of SSRI modification.  Scared that I can’t do this on my own. Scared that the headaches and the sparking* won’t go away. 

…or maybe…

There are a lot of things I’ve uncovered in the last three years:

  • I need to stay active
  • I shouldn’t deny who I am
  • Keeping things bottled up can be emotionally cancerous
  • Not holding back can be hazardous to your health
  • No one is really as well adjusted as they appear to be
  • Sometimes the people you should trust the most are the people you need the least…
  • … but learning to trust your gut is harder than you would think.
  • I love to run
  • I need to make art or it will start to kill me
  • Sometimes you need to take a good, hard look at people you thought you trusted and say “Screw You.”
  • Writing should neither be a form of therapy or an excuse to wallow.

And last but not least

  • Other people have feelings too

…There are a lot of things I don’t understand as well as i thought I did. And a lot of things I’m better at than I expected. It might have been an artificial high at first, but it taught me something. I’m getting better. Not worse.  And to even be able to say that puts me in a far different place than I was in  back in 2011…

…Here’s to 2017…. :)

* “Sparking” isn’t an official side effect term for sertraline withdrawal, but it should be. Mine involves feeling like an electric shock travels from just behind my eyes, through my neck, down my back, and into my arms or legs. Or makes me feel like I’ve been blinded my a bright light for a fraction of a second if i turn my head. It starts the same way every time, though. With a brief, almost painless “explosion” of energy in my head. Without a doubt, it’s the worst thing ever. I’ve had far fewer of them the last two days than I did the first two days. But I’m still getting them. It’s the only thing that’s seriously concerning me right now…

Filed under journaling writing depression zoloft change sparking side effects sertraline

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Narigua House, Mexico by David Pedroza Castañeda | via

Completed by David Pedroza Castañeda architects in 2013, the Nirigua House is a colossal residence in Mexico covering 8,000 square-feet. Built up in the mountainous woodlands, the home offers spectacular 360º views of the beautiful landscape while simultaneously respecting the existing ecosystem.

To preserve the existing greenery, a floor plan was devised with various different “zones” that group around the old cedar trees. The first zone contains the garage and storage spaces. The entrance hall, master bedroom, and staircase to the lower level are all located in the second volume, and the third features the kitchen and social area. The building material selection also help the building to blend into its surroundings, with copper and stained wood making for a rustic aesthetic.

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Seph Lawless Explores the Abandoned Malls of America

These kinds of photos of dead malls affect me on a number of levels.

On the most basic level, I expect to see zombies shuffling through them. (Thanks, George Romero!)

The next level is a feeling of being let down. You see, when I was coming of age, indoor shopping malls were a relatively new thing (yes, I am dating myself) and at the time, one of my favorite movies was Logan’s Run (don’t worry, my cinematic standards have risen since then), so I saw the future as humanity living in huge glossy futuristic domed cities, and I naturally assumed that these big and exciting new malls were the first step in that process. Obviously, things don’t seem to be heading in that direction after all and, while I no longer view that as a desirable future anyway, I still feel a bit let down.

The last level is just a feeling of…  I don’t know… dread. It shows that even our modern ‘high tech’ society can fall into ruin. I imagine if citizens of ancient Rome could see the coliseum today, they might feel the same kind of loss… the same sense of failure… in their own people and civilization that I see in these dead malls.

I have no idea how this happened.  Whoops, gotta sign off now. Stuff to buy on Amazon!