“Objects exist and if one pays more attention to them than to people, it is precisely because they exist more than the people. Dead objects are still alive. Living people are often already dead.”—Jean-Luc Godard (via snakecharmer) (via f*yeahjeanlucgodard) (via notational)
“Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.”—Rainer Maria Rilkein a letter to W. von Hulewicz (via benjaminhilts) (via samsaramotel) (via notational)
i have to be awake and out of the house before 8am and i really don’t want to go to bed. winter is both my favorite time of year and it also really sucks. i suffer from seasonal affective disorder to such a degree that i can’t figure out why it took me almost 15 years to figure it into my thought process. there’s been serious discussion concerning the acquisition of one of those “sunlight” lamps due to the recommendation of my mother-in-law (the psych nurse) and the scientific article that amanda read. you can call them “junk science” all you want, but the evidence says otherwise.
the creative part of my brain is exploding and the depressed part of my brain is exploding and i’m really just ready to go to sleep and not have to wake up until well after 8am. the more sunlight the better right now, though. work is killing what little energy i have left to keep up my self confidence. a little bit of self confidence propelled me to make dinner. i baked idaho steelhead (courtesy the browns! woot!) seasoned with butter, salt, lemon juice, pepper, and cajun seasonings; i arranged a meal in which i opened a bottle of wine (me! wine! like a real person!); and then i cleaned up afterwards.
life is such a paradox these days. one day i’m up and away, and the next i’m being accompanied to the lowest depths of my despair. it’s easiest if you keep on moving…
the real questions never really get asked. or maybe they just never get answered. is one adventure in a hundred summers enough to justify beauty and heartache and existence? what if we were made for a single clarifying moment in time and then asked to fade away? what if “what if?” is the only question?
it occured to me today that the reason i haven’t been writing as much is because my momentum and drive and vocabulary up to this point hasn’t been my own. i’ve cribbed dillard and coupland and eggers thinking that it was my own voice echoing inside the lines. today i saw clearly that my voice needs to be my own. i don’t mind being a photocopy of the real thing. i will always want to be annie dillard and doug coupland and david eggers. but until i can be me i will never be satisfied.
so i just put in an application for an amazing, AMAZING job. i’m way underqualified in some ways and perfectly suited in others and challenged just enough that it makes a wonderful fit. i don’t mind my current job. i like cell phones. i like technology, i just don’t like selling things to people. the new job is one where i get to be troubleshooting tech, instructor, creative guy, and difficult to define. how amazing is this new job, you ask?
i have trouble explaining exactly what this job is, that’s how amazing it is.
So, what’s wrong with being happy at work? Ehrenreich: Well, it’s wonderful to be happy. Optimism sometimes is justified, but what has happened in the American business culture has been some kind of staggering retreat from reality. I always assumed that corporate culture was rational because of my background in science and in journalism, but what I began to understand in the 1980s, 1990s, and throughout this decade was that the business culture had become unmoored. The idea of being the CEO went from being someone who had mastered the business to being someone who was a charismatic figure. Some business writers started to talk about the corporation more like a cult.
I remember reading one of these crazy books on attraction—about how you can get what you want by wishing it. One of blurbs on the back was written by a guy who worked for the company that held my retirement funds. That scared me. It’s clear that the build-up to the financial meltdown involved real denial and people acting on the idea that it’s bad to have negative people around.
How has this emphasis on positive thinking changed workers’ daily lives? It means artificial smiling and artificial cheer. It’s a strain on people emotionally; the effort of managing the appearance of one’s emotions is work. It means not asking the hard questions you think about asking. When people have been criticized for being negative at work, very often what that means is that they asked too many questions. I always thought asking questions was a good thing.
wow. somebody finally admitted to what i’ve been secretly thinking all along!!!
“I wish I had more friends, but people are such jerks. If you can just get most people to leave you alone, you’re doing good. If you can find even one person you really like, you’re lucky. And if that person can also stand you, you’re really lucky.”—
According to this test, I am an ENFP: Extraverted iNtuitive Feeling Perceiving
“Like the other Idealists, Champions are rather rare, say two or three percent of the population”
Great. Just great. I am a freak.
Only one percent of the population has an INFJ Personality Type, making it the most rare of all the types.
( i feel like i keep beating a dead horse by responding to this). it makes me crazy sometimes knowing that i seem to fall consistently in that 1%. nobody else i know has any clue what to do with me. i’ve been lucky enough to meet other infj’s, as i sometimes have the ability to actually get out of the house ;)
whats strange is that feels like i always have been. it’s been awhile since i’ve taken this, so i wasn’t sure where i was going to fall. i would love to take an ACTUAL myers-briggs, as i’m never completely sure how acturate these online versions are going to be…