I’m not happy with my face lately. I have too many moles and freckles and my facial hair grows in like a physically jump-started junior high kid. There are huge bags under my eyes and my allergies are making me crazy. I can’t breathe. Every camera angle is unflattering. I’ve managed to gain 15 pounds in the last year, after wanting to lose 15-20. My metabolism is slowing down. I’m getting older. Aches and pains every morning and recurring headaches. I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It sounds like I’m some 15 year old girl on MySpace instead of a nearly thirty-two year old father of three. But I’m craving honesty and full disclosure these days. Things are confusing and constantly changing and not as secure as I want them to be. Everything is this constant state of flux and shifting levels of stress and I’m coping and adapting and changing as best as I can, but it never feels like enough.

I’ve been on these anti-depressants for a year. And now I’m taking a high doses of antacids and over the counter allergy decongestants and motrin or Tylenol a couple of times a week. I’ve been so exhausted lately. Running. Up that hill, down that direction, up that mountian. And then i just want to take a nap.

Things need to change, have to change; are changing. I went to hatha yoga Monday night for the first time in over a month. I ran yesterday for the first time in a long time. I skipped dinner yesterday because I wasn’t hungry and then didn’t feel the need to have a snack. Changing. Better and worser and approaching a shift in my thinking.

I’m just ready for a change to come…