Posts tagged exhaustion

This must be what getting no sleep is like.

I was awake for my night shift that I was on call for completely. And then my parents picked me up at roughly 0800 to come to Moscow and I thought for a brief moment “Hey! I’ll just sleep I the car!”

Needless to say, no actual sleeping in the car took place. I think I passed out for about five minutes somewhere between Boise and Weiser„ but it didn’t take. And I tried to read myself into a coma, but I got to talking to my parents about what I was reading and before I knew it we were at one of our planned stops. A half an hour into coffee and conversation later I was wide awake again. By this time we were within one hour of our destination and falling asleep was pointless…

*****

I’ve been reading Into the Wild and was struck by the wanderer who had inscribed “Nemo 1934” into the canyon rocks in Utah. How he kept pushing himself to his limits over and over again until he simply vanished. And then his marks vanished- through erosion, through entropy.

My existence is forever in doubt.

*****

10 PM, Pacific Time. Helping my brother paint pedestals with a fresh coat of white. Letting him have a victory I wish was mine; placing maps in a four by four grid on the far wall while Wye Oak plays “Holy Holy” over distant speakers. This is ephemeral and eternal. The hour hand creeps closer to hour 26 of my marathon sprint towards the sheets. I miss my wife and my boys and the safety of my house.

I keep pushing as if to test the limits of my existence. How far? How far? How far?