notes from the thunderground

Posts tagged kids

Inhale.
Exhale.
Wait to explode.

I’m going in wide circles tonight. Told work I could come in this morning, but got no solid answer back. It’s at least 45 minutes until I hear something, and I clearly need to sleep; but I’m wide awake and pondering- trying not to piss if all my acquaintances by posting stupid things about Mitt Romney on Facebook. Trying to sleep instead of do the math I need to do to make my street art function for my friend’s Downtown Art Alley Project (daap.org if you want to look). My phone is dying and takes an hour to charge, but I’m allowing the darkness to swallow the few moments I have left and shorten the time I need to boost my usage just so I can wait for a phone call that I don’t want to come.

My wife starts Semester Three of the Nursing program in three hours. The one where I don’t have a wife for 16 weeks. Just a roommate with maybe occasionally but almost not likely benefits. Uhg. I’m working furiously to support us- to get us out of debt. If they call me, today will be day 14 of 23 in a row. If they don’t, this is will be my first day off after 13 on, and I start a 10 day run tomorrow.

Also: I’ve been too exhausted to go running. Blech. I would love to sleep in this morning-until this afternoon. Or until I miss today completely and it’s Tuesday. But even if I’m off today I’m still going to have to hit the ground running. Literally.

Inhale.

Yoga is tonight. I better plan on going. I have so much stress and tension I hardly know what to do with myself. The oldest kid starts school soon and we have to register him. First Grade. God- that feels so weird. I remember going to First. I remember being his age. I’m clearly not ready for this.

Exhale.

Our area experienced a massive storm front last night. A thunder clap opened up right above where I work and the downpour was tremendous. My wife called me and said that our two year old was terrified, giving her the “snuggle-grip of death” for over an hour. Poor kid. He’s never known that experience before. When my family lived on the farm we had storms like that all the time- swirling and dancing around us. Lightning and thunder making impressive shows off in the distance. There was a beautiful and terrifying feeling in the pit of my stomach that seems hard to replicate these days. The storm begins to whirl around me again.

Work and spouse and extra chores and children and art and history and difficult decisions and phone calls and emotional gut reactions.

Controlled chaos- no control.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Waiting to explode.